5 Things Your Parents Taught You That Could Wreck Your Business

I didn’t appreciate what a tough job my parents had until our daughter arrived.  Until then, I’d always thought that raising a child looked pretty easy.

Now I realise exactly what it entails: being completely responsible for another human being.  One who is totally dependent on you, and has no idea that juggling with scissors or eating bleach could be bad for them.

So it’s no wonder our parents give us plenty of advice to keep us out of harm’s way.

After all, if it wasn’t for the regular intervention of my folks, I probably wouldn’t have made it past the age of 2, let alone to adulthood.

The only downside to this advice is that although it keeps you on the straight and narrow as a child, as an adult it can end up running round and round in your head.

Like a cheesy 80’s disco song stuck on ‘replay’.

That well-meant advice became a script

A script that tells you how to behave in all sorts of unintended situations. And some of the advice really doesn’t serve you very well once you’re all grown up.

Over the past few years, I’ve carefully observed people who are stuck with their business in one way or another.

And one of the most common reasons that I see for this stuckness is that they are still running those outdated instructions.

That’s a bit like still using the word processing software that came with your first computer back in 1982.  It may work after a fashion, but you’d have a much easier time if you upgraded it.

This is something I’ve struggled with personally. Although I haven’t completely mastered it, the progress I have made has helped me immensely.

(And without exception,  I’ve found that the first stage in dealing with these out-dated ‘scripts’ is to realise they’re there at all.)

Here are five ‘old scripts’ that I’ve worked to rewrite:

1. Don’t talk to strangers

Then: Fine advice to help prevent an overly trusting five year old boy from being bundled into a car by a passing miscreant.

Even if your parents contradicted that advice by insisting that you talk to your hairy aunty Joyce. Who you’d never seen before in your life, and looked pretty damn strange to you.

Now: A complete disaster!

If you’re going to sell anything, you’d better get used to the fact that the entire process is based around turning strangers into non-strangers, and then into customers.

Which could be tricky if you’ve still got a little tape going round in your head telling you that talking to them is dangerous, and you should feel afraid.

2. Don’t interrupt me when I’m on the telephone

Then: Why is it that small children always need your attention urgently as soon as you’re on the phone to someone important?  Why do they never need it when you’re trying to get rid of that pesky life insurance salesman?

Either way, after a particularly long bout of “Muuuuuummmm..….” one day whilst my mother was on the phone, I learned that this lesson was important if I wanted to avoid a visit to ‘the naughty shed’ (like the naughty step, but darker and with added spiders).

Now: Ever get that tense feeling when you need to call that lovely person you met at a conference last week?  The one who gave you their card, and said “let’s meet up, I think you could help me?”

Maybe they’re busy?  I mean you wouldn’t want to interrupt them.

Perhaps they didn’t want to talk to you after all, and they just gave you their card to get rid of you.

Probably best to put it off ‘til next week.

Sound familiar?

3. Money doesn’t grow on trees

Then: I don’t know about you, but every time I saw one of those cleverly-crafted toy adverts, I wanted whatever it was selling.

And I’d continually pester my parents asking why I couldn’t have it.

“Money doesn’t grow on trees” was often their exasperated response.

Now: If you’re still replaying this one, you’re in danger of falling prey to “there isn’t enough to go around” mentality.

Which means instead instead of working out  “How can I market my business so that it provides everything I want”, you sit around moping “There’s no point doing any marketing, there’s not enough money around, and there’s a recession on anyway”.

And we know where that leads.

4. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

Now: Wonderful, soothing words of encouragement.

Often said through gritted teeth to a distraught little boy who has just missed his potty and soaked the dog. Again.

Then: What’s wrong with this advice?  Isn’t persistence one of the main qualities you need to make it in business?

Well, yes. But that’s only half the story.

Pay careful attention to those successful entrepreneurs who had umpteen catastrophic failures before their big break.

Yes, they were persistent.

But that doesn’t mean they just tried the same failed approach over and over again until it worked.  They learned from their mistakes.

So if smashing your head against the wall doesn’t get you through it, please don’t keep doing so until you collapse in a bloody heap.  Try another route.  Like opening the door that’s 30 feet along to your left.

To make this advice work, it needs modifying to: “If at first you don’t succeed, take a step back, think about what you need to do differently, and then try again, armed with the cumulative wisdom from your previous endeavours”.

Hmm… re-reading that, it doesn’t have the quite the same ring to it.

5. Don’t ask about money: it’s rude.

Then: When I was at junior school, I had a friend called Gregory, who had a charming habit.

Whenever Gregory came round to my house, he’d start picking random objects up and asking “How much does this cost?”, as if he were at a jumble sale.

Needless to say, he quickly became persona non grata in the Gray household.

When I asked why, my parents told me it was rude to talk about money. “Because it could make other people feel uncomfortable.”

So I have no idea what became of Gregory and his fascination with the value of household goods.

Maybe he grew up to become an auctioneer.  Or perhaps a professional housebreaker.

We’ll never know.

Now: Unless you’re planning on running your business entirely on barter, at some point you’re going to need to have ‘the money conversation’ with your prospective client.

And it would be helpful if you weren’t stammering and sweating like a walrus in a sauna when you do it.

Those are my top five.  I’m sure there are plenty more that I haven’t uncovered yet.

What did your parents teach you (with the best of intentions), that’s holding you back today?